Diary of a Locked Down Comedian Day 1

November 5th 2020

Day one of lockdown II and I am off to a flyer with my new idea, Diary of A Locked Down Comedian. Hopefully you have seen my one minute video clip on Instagram, or Twitter and found your way here. I am new to this online stuff but the fact I have even considered posting regularly should be an indication to you just how desperate times are for my business.


Coffee was enjoyed, actually, two coffees were enjoyed if I am to be completely honest and accurate first thing this morning as I watched the ‘news’ about the election in America. I have put the word news into inverted commas because although I am watching the news so far nothing they are reporting on appears to be new(s). I do enjoy news, these days people say it’s all bad news, it is and I think a return of the ‘And finally…’ story is something news shows should look at.

I ordered one hundred capsules of Nespresso coffee which arrived a couple of days and will last me the first half of Lockdown. It won’t, wait….

I am back and another one hundred capsules are ordered one can never be too safe. I am not addicted, I can live without it and I am not a connoisseur, I am a snob, the difference is simple, a connoisseur knows what they are talking about and a snob thinks they know what they are talking about.

I read for a little while before taking a call from Keith. Keith has been encouraging me with the book I am writing about my Dad. I wanted to pay tribute to Dad and this book seemed like the best idea at the time. It’s taken me six years so far and there is every chance a way to resurrect someone from the dead will be worked out long before I complete this. Good phone call with Keith, I learn every time we chat, we laugh a lot and I come away excited to crack on with the goal to finish this book. The best chapter in both our opinions is all but finished. The content will hopefully sell my ability to write although my inability to stick to any kind of deadline, although a family trait, will serve as no incentive to any would-be-publisher.

I wrote some lines for an online gig I have tomorrow, I am nervous as hell I will be completely out of my comfort zone. Stand-up wasn’t meant to be performed online, there will be no interaction with the small crowd of accountants who have booked me, the only thing that makes me relax a little is the fact I won’t hear any laughter. If you’ve seen me live you know this is something I am very used to. I will give you a full report tomorrow,

There is a fish and chip van that stops in the village each Thursday. It took me ages to try it out and once I did I became a regular visitor. The chips are the best I have ever had but the lady who runs the place has awful timing so even though I order my chips to be picked up at the time best for her every week she is always late but the time she is late is always the same, twenty minutes. Last week after walking over to pick up my 6.30 pm order at just after a quarter to seven I ended up sitting down and ‘enjoying’ cold chips. I won’t make that mistake again, I will happily stand out in the cold and wait for the full twelve hundred seconds, and besides, I will be able to read some more of Diaries Of A Bookseller…

Shots Of Coffee: 7
Reading: Diaries Of A Bookseller by Shaun Bythall
Listened to: Radio X, Michael Kiwanuka, Hitsville: The Making Of Motown and An Apple Music Foo Fighters Essential Album
YouTube Tip: Chris Pratt Teaches Will.I.Am A Card Trick

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