Diary of a Locked Down Comedian Day 2

November 6th 2020

It is day two of lockdown and I am pleasantly surprised to find myself at my desk already writing today’s entry for the Dairy Of A Locked Down Comedian. I am also incredibly surprised if not a little ashamed to find myself constantly checking Instagram to see who has liked my post. Thirty-one so far, THIRTY-ONE. Me? I am so proud of that number and will gloss over the fact that this is a total number combined from three different Instagram accounts. I’ve been told that 55 views of the clip have been watched. My son is far from impressed but that is a battle I am constantly fighting, Thomas recently found out I have a YouTube account, now this boy of mine loves YouTube and excitedly tells me that his favourite YouTuber has ‘over 17 million subscribers, how many do you have Dad?’


‘Awesome!’ he screams as he grabs his phone and looks up my YouTube page.

I will never forget the look on his face it was a mixture of disappointment and pity with a dash of realisation that his Dad is far from cool.

‘Twenty seven Dad! Not twenty seven million!’

I feign shock and amazement and suggest KFC for dinner.

I need a coffee.


Now I know someone, maybe some of you, will now head to this link and subscribe and as much as the increase in numbers may please Thomas, I am going to ask you, respectfully, no, I am just going to ask that you don’t. Twenty-seven is the worlds funniest number. It’s a fact I learned from my Dad but for the life of me I can not remember why it is the funniest number, just take my word for it. Oh, I did recently find a clip on YouTube featuring the Bee Gees receiving their Gotcha on the 90’s TV show Noels House Party, as the interview ends the doorbell rings and there is Crinkly Bottoms car park attendant played by Bradley Walsh, he is carrying four number plates. Noels includes the numbers two and seven. My Dad was the head writer on the show, so this should be all the evidence you need that twenty-seven is the funniest number.

So the fact I have 27 subscribers is kind of poetic.

I had a Facebook fan page for a whole year, zero fans, so proud was I that I posted about this on my personal FB page but by the end of the day I had accumulated 101 new fans, all friends, I was so disappointed with this ‘success’.

I need more coffee.

I only came to my laptop to write jokes for an online show I have in four hours!

Remember how this all started? The number of Instagram likes? Well, instinct may lead you to believe that twenty-four people didn’t like it but you forget I am a comic, so I am vain and have watched it a few times myself. Also there will be people liking it who haven’t even watched it because they know me and realise it’ll be a car wreck.

Two days in a row writing this diary! I can’t quite believe it myself. I find myself just typing away cheerily. People may read or not read but the words are here whenever you fancy. If I had typed this many words every day for my book it would be finished by now.

I don’t need coffee, I want coffee.

Tomorrow we will talk about lists and the importance of a good plan. Which I had planned to be my first entry but I got distracted.

Shots Of Coffee: 5, but it is still early.
Reading: Diaries Of A Bookseller by Shaun Bythall and the I newspaper
Listened to: Radio X. It’s a guilty pleasure.
YouTube Tip: One of mine today. Why Bow?

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